Traveling · in · my · mind

When my son came back from visiting his dad the other week, Robert, Daniel and I were sitting at the dinner table. Out of no where he looks at me and said "I missed you mommy. I missed you a lot." I can't tell you what a wonderful feeling that is to hear my son say that.

because it's cloudy and windy and getting dark and only a bit past 2pm! Yeah, I am corny. ha ha ha But it looks so beautiful out here. Gives me calming affect.

Work is almost done and I can breath again. I had to write up a contract when I left the other blog. Things are starting to pick up. The things are for latter dates, but none the less they are planining now. Someone wants to shoot a movie and may use our hotel. YES, they are a pain in the butt! Well, at least the "scout" that is staying here right now is a pain in the butt. The lady I talk on the phone seems nice enough. From all the other movie people, there is one, only ONE that gave us no grief, no stress. It was great. Wish more was like that.

Let's see, what else? Uh, can't think of anything else right now.

Did you miss me? I didn't think so either. LOL

So, what's been going on with me and my world? Let's see. Rember all the Ginger drama? Well she apologized for her behavior and now we are cool.

Ah darn it. Will have to write more. I've actully been working at work (LOL) and now I have more work I have to get done now.

It seems forever that our house has been on the market and in truth it's only been less than a month. The first guy who talked about buying our house flaked out on our. Sucks that he didn't let us know though.

A woman came by a couple of days ago and likes the house. We have the papers drawn up and doing counter offers. She wants new carpet and wants to choose the carpet. Whoa. She might get the most expensive kind. So we have counter offered to have the price either a certain amount we will pay for it or just detuct the pice off of the house and she can do it. I'd rather the price be deducted, it would be less work for us to do.

We have enough work to do at the house we are going to get. Like get carpet there too! We want to buy the carpet and stuff and find someone who can install it for us. So if anyone in my area knows how to do it or knows someone who can do it, let us know!

Got some boxes from work so I can get started packing. We will have to go get some more boxes from somewhere. We got a lot to pack.

Got a voice message from Ginger this morning while I was in the shower. She said to lose her number and she was ending our friendship because I was being childish and how she's been there for me and that I deleted her off myspace and some other things.

At first I was mad and was going to be disrespectful by sending a nasty message. No. That's not right. Instead I texted her and said that I had wanted to cool off and that she was still on myspace.

Ginger is still on there now. Just not on the top. If I looked at the picture, I'd get mad so I didn't want to get mad. Just needed time to cool off. I am not going to argue, not going to fight. I am very sad of what she choose to do. I am going to respect her wishes and leave her be.

I don't think she realizes that even with all the crap that has been happening between us, if she was in a jam, I'd still help her out. She's mad at me, but I still love her like a sis. But now she wants nothing to do with me. All because I wasn't ready to talk when she wanted to.

Ok, so I am trying to calm my little head down from the events that just happened. Ginger text messages me yesterday and asks if we can talk. I text back and tell her not now. Then I get a text today and it goes something like this:

Ginger: I am going to leave you and Becca alone goodbye

(Ok, I start getting mad)

Me: "What and run off? Like that solves anything. Not ready to talk is what I said."

Ginger: I know but getting tired of things and being the middle

Me: "in the middle? You are the one who broke your word to me. I can see you would rather be with Chris since you want "leave me" alone. You are running off insteadof trying to fix things. Very hard for me to control my anger now."

(So I start to text like crazy cuz my anger has grown)

Me: Pretty lame way for youy not have to worry about doing the right thing." "Very sad and disappointing way for you to end a friendship this way. Yes YOU."

Ginger: I didn't end it i am walkin away for awhile because i keep hurting you and you deverse better.

Me: But you did not. You chose to spend the time with him instead what you said you would give to me. I wanted to wait til I cooled down. But you wanted to talk now.

I forward to her the "Leaving me alone" thing and asked her what does that say?

She tried to call after that but I didn't answer. I messaged her once more saying I don't want to text or call her now. I am to upset. She texted me a few times, but I am not going to respond. I don't want to say something I will wish I didn't say latter.

To much anger right now.

Last time my friend Ginger came down here was a bit of a mess (has to do with a guy) and she said sorry and that she would spend a whole day with me the next time she came down here. She comes down (and still here) and her (now) boyfriend picks her up and she suppose to hang out with me yesterday.

So how much time does she spend the whole day with me? Lets see. I picked her up about 10 am and by 2pm she already wants to go back to him because he is going to work a couple of hours and maybe Ginger says she can catch up with me latter that day. So much for spending the whole day with me.

Ive had it. Ive been there for her for her ups and downs. A lot is with dealing with him and how she feels for him. Ive stood up for her and had her back through these years. She tells me she appreciates me. By how? Always running to him for everything. Again, she put him first. Even after she told me shed spend the whole day. This is so disappointing. There is more sadness than anger that I have for Ginger.

She wants to spend all her time with him? FINE. I talked to her last night and told her I was disappointed that she said she was going to spend the whole day with me and went back to him instead. She said she can understand how I would be disappointed. I told Ginger that since she wanted to spend time with him to go ahead, that I didnt want to see her for the rest of her visit down here. I also told her if she is upset, thats fine. I said good bye and hung up.

Shes proven to me shed rather be with him, spend all her time with him and do whatever he wants her to do instead of keeping her word to me. I dont know if I really want to see her again or even talk to her.

Back to reading my book at work about ADD. I am in a chapter about a family who discovered their daughter having ADD. One thing that opened up my understanding more was the part where they had a conference with their daughter and her school. She wasn’t doing her home work. She didn’t know why she didn’t do her home work.

Sometimes when Daniel does something he’s not supposed to do, tells me also he doesn’t know why he did something. This makes me want to cry. Cry because I am understanding more and feel bad how I sometimes react towards him. Some things he can’t help. It’s not that he doesn’t want to focus. It’s because he can’t.

I keep reading about understanding it. I need to read something that will help me to help him. If any one knows (other than medication), please let me know.

We have to give the loan people (for the house we want to get) some more paper work on Monday, but it's going good. Yeah!

Robert and I are done with painting the inside of the house other than a couple of touch ups to do. Our house has been on the market for maybe three days now and looks like we got an offer already! Woo hoo! Let's see how it goes. Very exciting. *happy dance*

Yesterday Daniel kept walking around the house asking me what stuff are we going to take.

Daniel: "Are we going to take the couch?"

Me: "Yes."

Daniel: "Are we taking the t.v?"

Me: "Yes."

Daniel: "Are we taking this?" (Points the medal air vents)

Me: "No."

Daniel: "Why? I like them."

Me: "Who ever gets the house will get them, honey."

Daniel: "Ok, we can buy more. "

LOL Roberts just smiles. Very cute kid. Full of questions which is fine.

Happy Birthday America. Don't forget your roots.
Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more!
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

At my work, the GM (Terry) is leaving us. Like, now. Going through to many GM's. I didn't want him to come here at the first place because I really liked who we had (Ricardo). I did get used to him though and he wasn't to bad. I hope the place he is going to will work out well for him and his wife. I also hope he will get better in health. Seemed like he got sicker and sicker as time progressed. Maybe it has something to do with this valley that I live in. I am used to all the stuff here. Maybe his body just couldn't take it, I don't know.

Forgive me if I start jumping around in this journal. Still trying to sort out all the thoughts I have in my head. Yes, doing that thinking to much again.

In search of a new General Manager. I've gone through this before, but it feels different this time. The owner (Chang)of the hotel came down and I had a meeting with him. We have a management company (American Property) that has been helping us out (where Ricardo came from), but will be not with us by the end of the month. Mr. Chang wants to help out more (doing some GM stuff) and I said yes for some reason. So now I have become General Manager Assistant.

With American Property leaving, Ricardo calls me up. Wants me to submit a resume to him the end of this month. Ok, combining this paragraph and the one before it together to sum stuff up. Ricard and Mr. Chang both feel that I can do more than where I am at now. Both feel within a few years I could be a great GM. Freaky. With all that is going on, I feel a little lost. What do they see? I don't see it. I know I get stuff done, but not like I should. I feel that I could do my work more diligent.

If I submit my resume to Ricardo, that means I would be transferring most likely to New Mexico or Texas. I like American Property and Ricard was a great boss, but with what Chang has offered me changes things. He said I could take classes on management and the company would pay for it.

All of this is, whoa. Overwhelming. I don't even know all the stuff I am going to be doing now. I need more information. Accounting people coming over next week and that will help me out to get things sorted out. People here are already teasing me with my new title. I dunno. Not teasing but using that new tittle on me fondly I guess you can say. It's just weird.

It's weird. I was so excited when I became Front Desk Manager. Now, no. I don't regret my choice, if that make sense. I know I can do this GM stuff but of what my old boss and the owner talks so highly about me. It's like more than I think I am. I don't see it. I can do it, but do I want to do it? I knew stuff was going to happen and thus why I need prayers. This is also why I asked for prayers early last week. I need guidance.

I need to get my body toned up. My clothes don't fit as nice as they too. The toning up with also result in me losing some weight. The scale tells me I am 165lbs. Naughty scale! I will be posting mostly on my myspace blog about my progress since I spend more time on there. I will try to remember to post on here too. I am healthy over all (my doctor says) other than my weight.

I hate when people assume things about me. Why don't they just ask me, talk to me? This shows me that they don't know me. Maybe they are hearing rumors about me from someone else. Maybe they are insecure. Maybe jealous of me. I don't know. I am not going to ASSUME. Get to know me through me and no one else. Then you can tell me what you think of me, ok? I am tired of this crap. Stop talking crap about me. STOP ASSUMING THINGS OF ME AND TALK TO ME. Heck of a lot easier. And if you are wondering, it's more than one person so who ever is reading this and getting pissed off, get over it.

Only three more hours of swing shift and I am done. I am a bit nervous working this shift. Haven't worked this shift in a while. Nervous because a few weeks back one of the girls at the front desk got assaulted. She's ok, thank God. Wish this shift would hurry up.

Why is it when we have hardly any room or no rooms at all is when all the dram hits? Everything was cool when I left at 5pm. No problems. Them wham! People are in rooms that said they were checked out, or the wrong room. Someone smoked in a nonsmoking room and so I have to use a room that is not completely ready to sell, but the guest were cool with that.

Let's see, someone pulls the fire alarm as a prank, someone doesn't have any pillows in their room, room keys don't work. Peoples stuff are still in the room and they know we don't have that type of room and they KNOW they have to more to a different room. I gave discounts, rearrange reservations and blah, blah blah. You know what though? I am not really stressed. A bit irritated because of some guests, but not going crazy. Those days off helped me so much. Not to mention I've got a good team of girls. :-)

Now let's switch gears. Taking my son to see his doctor on Monday. He has a persistent cough that just wont go away. It sounds flemy (gross, huh). Plus I am going to talk to his doctor to check if Daniel has ADD. His dad and his grandfather on his dad's side has it and I have a strong feeling that he does too. So once he is evaluated and if he is, I want to find a way without using drugs to help him. My hubby knows this pharmacist guy forever and a day and I would like for us to talk to him about alternative ways.

I need to work out more. I am not fitting into my clothes as good as I used to. That and eating to much junk food. Mmmmmm, I love my sugar.

Second day back at work. My brain is a little foggy from not using it. LOL We had a good time in Laughlin. Shaw a show and a rodeo. That was my first rodeo and honestly, I was bored! I was with Robert. My mom and son just hung out and my grandpa had left for home early.

Ooooo! We got a puppy and a kitty a few days ago! The puppy is seven months old named Allan (by my son). I will try to post a picture of him. The kitty is MINE! *happy dance* Cute ball of fur and his name is Logan. I will try to post a picture of him as well. We got them both from a lady who helps out the Human Society. Logan was found abandoned and Allan has an interesting story. Of what the lady told us, Allan came from a drunk woman who was hard to let Allan go. That is all we were told but I can see there is more. It looks like he was abused by the way he acts. He freak out sometimes. My son loves to jump around and such and he did that not to far from Allan and the dog backed away and barked at him. Daniel had kicked one of his heels in the dirk and Allan growled. A few days ago I was running back and forth will Allan when I stoped real quick. The dog just cowered down. Poor puppy. He's a bit shy too. I think with time he will be better.

Now my kitty is just a normal crazy kitten. LOL Already loves to sleep in my bed. Awwwww.

Hey, lunch time!